Giving Thanks......

Every year, Holidays will mean more and more to us here. We are so very thankful for Ryan being here with us. Instead of making a list of everything I am thankful for (because I think that's pretty obvious) I am going to give thanks.

Thank you to our blog/carepage family. You have all been there to support us from the beginning and your kind words and thoughtful prayers mean more to us than you will ever know. It takes a lot to have a complete stranger on your side, but you all stepped in and I don't feel like we are strangers any longer. I feel like I've known a lot of you for a LONG time. Sharing our journey's with eachother has helped me so much in knowing that we are not alone in this "CHD world."

I want to say thank you to our family. You have all been very supportive and caring through the great times, and the very difficult ones. I know I can count on each of you to be there for us no matter what. It's amazing to know that Ryan has such wonderful people surrounding her at all times!! She to, is thankful for your endless love!!

Thank you to our friends. We have such wonderful friends that always give words of encouragement and are there always when we need someone to talk too. You have all been so good to us and it is very much appreciated.

MOST IMPORTANT THANKS.....The doctors and staff at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center. Without you, I don't know where we would be. You have all done such an amazing job caring for our precious heart child. You do everything you can to make appointments with Ryan comfortable for her and we truly appreciate all of your hard work and dedication. It is because of you, that we are confident in knowing that Ryan will be with us for ALL of our Holidays ALWAYS!!! You have given us the best gift OF ALL!! and that is FAITH, LOVE, and HOPE!!

There are so many things that we are all Thankful for this Holiday season, but don't forget to give thanks as well. My heart goes out all the parent's whose babies became angel's too soon. May GOD be with you this Holiday season and always. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. God Bless everyone and have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!

Another scare....

Oh boy, where to start? When I woke up on Saturday morning, I was in a rush to get out the door. I was meeting with Katie (my cousin) and her fiancee to go talk to a florist for their upcoming wedding in March. We were then going to Hobby Lobby to pick up some things for Christmas for her son. When I returned home, we had a bit of a scare. Jay looked at me and said "does Ryan look blue to you?" I scooped her up and started examining her lips, face, fingers and toes, and sure enough, she had a blue tint to them all. I immediatley grabbed the pulse-ox to see what was going on.

here is the results....98% for O2 sats. GREAT!! but......

If her O2 sats were 98....why is she blue?? We still do not know, but it went away. Jay said this blue tint started about 15 minutes before I got home, and after I got here, it lasted about another hour. We decided we will just keep an eye on her and make sure we are checking her sats at least once a day until she sees the cardiologist on December 7th. With this happening, I'm getting more nervous. Ryan is scheduled to be sedated for her echo on December 4th, and will then get her EKG and see Dr. Hor on the 7th. It was on December 5th last year that we were told she needed her cardiac cath done....eeks...her echo is the day before that 1 year anniversary of bad news. Let's hope that we do not get a repeat of that this year!!

Ryan has been fighting nap time more and more these days. Yesteryday, she refused. She wasn't acting to tired so we just didn't really push the issue. I do still want her to take at least a small nap everyday, but I know it's not the "end of the world" if she doesn't. So, she was hyped up on something ALL day yesterday and just didn't want to sleep. We had some coloring time, and played with her blocks. When she stacks them, she tries to count as well. She can easily count 1-2-3, then she goes straight to 5-6-7, and then it's 10!! lol she is really trying though.

don't you just love the shades?? She's SUPER COOL!!

Stef, we used your recipe and made some ornaments!!! That was too fun! Ryan loved it. I also wanted to get her handprint this year so we mixed the dough, and then flattened it out, and when she stuck her hand in, she yelled "oohhh SAND!!!" Too funny. It did feel like wet sand though. HA. We made a handprint ornament for ourselves and also for my mom.

Ryan's tiny little hand with her REALLY long fingers

With Ryan not napping yesterday, she CRASHED right around dinner time. We could tell as she was eating that she was just EXHAUSTED!! She started falling asleep in her high chair so I just had to grab the camera. You will notice in this video that she keeps saying "cheese" because she thought I was just taking pics of her....and sorry about the camera shaking. I was laughing so hard and I just couldn't help it.

This next photo is the end result.

OUT.....she was snoring SO LOUD!!

Pretty Princess....messy hair.

This last video is the one I have been trying to post on here for a few days. FINALLY. It's just her saying that she loves all the kids on the blog. TOO CUTE. ENJOY!!

(keep in mind you will have to pause the music playlist at the top left of the blog so the song doesn't mix in with the video)

I hope everyone has a GREAT Thanksgiving....I will try to post before then but may be too busy. We have a lot going on this week. :) I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS!!! BUSY BUSY BUSY!!

Another one of "those" days.....

I know it's normal, and everybody has them, but today I'm just having one of "those" days. I was fine earlier this morning and most of the afternoon. Then, it just hit me. I looked at Ryan sitting on the couch watching "Finding Nemo" and I just started crying. I couldn't control it anymore. It's been a while since I've really just let it out. I know it's normal to ask why this life was chosen for you, but is it still normal after dealing with it for almost 2 years? January 10, 2010 will mark the 2 year anniversary of Ryan's diagnoses. Should I still be asking why? Should I still have breakdowns? It's just such a confusing state to be in but I know it's normal. I sometimes think to myself....I wonder if I will be able to watch Ryan get on the bus for her first day of school? I wonder if we make it to see her as a teenager if we are going to fight a lot or be close? I wonder if I will ever see my precious baby walk down the isle on her wedding day? Will she be a mommy and if so, what kind of mommy will she be?

I know I'm jumping WAY ahead and shouldn't be thinking/worrying about these things now, but then again, it's a reality. Some of us "heart families" don't get the chance to see these things happen. My heart goes out to them EVERYDAY!!! I know I'm blessed and will be FOREVER grateful to have Ryan NO MATTER WHAT!!! I know all of you other heart mom's have had some point where you've had a day like this.....so I'm asking for your help.....how do you cope when you have one of "those" days where you just breakdown and realize all over again that your child is "terminally ill?" Any tips would be appreciated...it's nice to help eachother through tough times. Hopefully I don't wake up tomorrow feeling the way that I do now. Tomorrow, I will wake up and give my wonderful blessing a BIG hug and kiss and remind her of how much I love her.

I tried once again to post the video's but for some reason they are not loading correctly. I guess I will try again some other time. I hope everyone had a great week!! Tomorrow is FRIDAY!!! YAY!!!!

more BIG changes....

So, I just cannot seem to help myself. I know I get a little carried away on changing this blog but I think I'm going to keep it this time. I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!! Ryan gave me her nod of approval today to.

QUESTION: DOES ANYBODY GO SHOPPING ON BLACK FRIDAY?????

I DO!! I actually just started last year. My cousin, Kate, that I seem to talk about pretty frequently (because she's AMAZING) asked me to meet her at walmart last year on THANKSGIVING night at about 9:45 pm. We SPENT THE NIGHT there!! Her and her fiancee, Justin, were buying a HUGE plasma tv and there were only so many so we had to get there super early. NOW I'M HOOKED!! I got several things for Ryan while I was there and saved probably $100.00. This year, I am getting my game plan together so I'm FULLY ready. I have a list of items that I need to purchase at walmart and target. I'm getting so excited for this. It does seem like a long time to spend there but it's worth it. Last year, the sale actually began at 5:00 am. So, I got everything I needed to get while there, and got in line to pay and was home by 6:15. NOT BAD AT ALL!!! This year, though, it will be later because I need to go other places too. IF YOU'RE INTERESTED....... go to www.blackfriday.info they have ALL of the ads for black friday that have already been made available to see. If you click on a certain store, there will be a tab at the top of the listed items that says "ad scan" CLICK ON THAT!!! It pulls all items available up just like a normal store ad and you can browse all the WONDERFUL DEALS!!

Moving on....I'm not really sure what Ryan's deal has been lately. I don't know if it's that she's almost 2 and acting what her "new normal" is going to be, or if something more is happening. For the past 2 days, EVERYTHING is a CRISIS!!!! For those who know Ryan pretty well, she is a very happy go lucky kinda gal. She doesn't whine to much and is usually pretty content for the most part. NOT THE PAST 2 DAYS THOUGH. It seems like everything that happens is just causing her to melt down. I will tell her no, and she throws herself on the floor whining. She seems to be crying over EVERYTHING. And it's not just whining all the time, it's actual CRYING. I told her it was time to go too bed tonight (something she usually has NO problem with) and she started freaking out!!! She just jumped in my arms and was crying hysterically. It took me about 15 minutes to calm her down and I layed on the couch with her for a few minutes. I don't usually let her get tired to the point of exhaustion so that way the terrible tired mood doesn't kick in. That's why she goes to bed early around 8 pm every night. After laying on the couch with her she was fine, and went straight to bed. She may have just needed a few extra snuggles before she laid down I guess, but that doesn't explain her getting MAD about all this little stuff lately. Maybe it is just the terrible two's!! AHHHHH....SO NOT READY FOR IT!! Any tips or advice would be great on this subject if you have been there before. Please let me know if there is anything I should try to make this easier on all of us.

Also, I saw something on the news today about Santa not being safe this year. GERMS!!! So, I want your opinion.....do you think taking your kids to get their pictures taken with Santa should not be done this year because of all the illness going around??

HOT TOPIC...... As I'm sure many of you have heard, a little 5 year old girl's body was found in North Carolina. Her mother reported her missing, and then the police found out that her mother was involved. I'm not going to discuss what was done to this angel while she was still with us on this earth because it is heart wrenching. It brings tears to my eyes when I think about what some parents do to their kids...especially when there are people out there that cannot have kids and would love to be given the chance. Or in most of our situations, when we love and cherish our children beyond words, and they have this deadly disease known as a CHD. Do me a favor....before you put your kids to bed, or if you've done that already, then in the morning....Give your son/daughter an extra kiss and hug and explain to them how much you love them, and how big of a blessing they are in your life. Our kids need this!!! We need this!!! It's so hard to hear about ANY child losing their life. Just make sure your child(ren) know how much they mean to you. You never know what this life will bring to you, so treasure it while it's still yours!!!!

She wants it all and she's SERIOUS!!!!

This time of year has always meant a lot to me. Time with family at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Time eating delicious food. Time putting up Christmas decorations. Time spent shopping for presents and then the time spent to wrap them. Every year we all have plenty of things that we are greatful for. This year, I am thankful for time. More time with my beautiful daughter. We all know that this CHD life can be turned around at any moment and it can change for the worse. So, with that being said, I'm most thankful for the chance to spend more Holiday's with Ryan. She has been the best blessing in my life and that will never change. There have been a lot of little one's lost to this HORRIBLE disease this year, and we should all take a moment to remember those that have been lost, and be thankful for what we have. Keep those families in your heart this Holiday season, because it's not going to be an easy time for them.

I usually do not put up our Christmas tree until after Thanksgiving, but this year, I'm really excited about it. Not that I haven't been in the past, but I just felt like getting started early. I put up the tree this past Friday and then Ryan helped put the ornaments on Saturday. It looks a little bare without being able to see the lights on but once they are on, it's so pretty. It is pre-lit with red and green lights and also has white fiber-optic lights on it. SO EXCITING!!!

Every single toy commercial that comes on t.v. now, Ryan feels the need to scream out "I want that!!" It's pretty funny because a lot of them are for video games and things that she doesn't fully understand yet. She just knows it looks cool so of course, she just has to have it. She has been doing so many funny things lately. When at my mom's one day last week eating dinner, Ryan was outside in the back yard just running up and down their hill. She stopped halfway down the hill and stuck her hands up in the air in a questioning gesture and just yelled "ARE YOU SERIOUS??" LOL I have never heard her say this before and just couldn't control myself. I was laughing so hard that the tears were just flowing. Because she saw the laughter just booming from my mom and me, she must have stood there for 15 minute straight just saying it over and over. It was probably one of the funniest things I have ever seen. She just cracks me up with her personality and the things she comes up with. Another funny thing is when she is doing something she shouldn't, I will ask her "do you want to go to time out?" Ironically enough, she often puts herself into time out. When she does something wrong, she will say "go to your room." Then she runs back to her bedroom and SLAMS the door shut and will sit on her bed for a few minutes before coming back out. Well, yesterday, I asked her if she wanted to go into time out because she wouldn't stop standing on the coffee table.....she looked at me with a very blank stare and shrugged her shoulders and said "uh huh!!" Then she just laughed right at me. I just cant believe her sometimes. She's getting to be quite the handful with her funny things that she says and her little attitude on top of that. I dont know what I'm going to do when she is a teenager!! AAHH. :) Those will be some crazy times I'm sure.

I have a couple short videos that I wanted to add but I'm having some issues getting them uploaded so I will try again next time.. Have a great week everyone!!!

Oh this darn computer

Ok so we are having issues with out computer AGAIN!!! I'm so tired of that darn computer, so here I am using my mom's AGAIN!!! I don't know what else to do to fix it. It is just going SO S-L-O-W that it takes about 15 minutes for a page to load. Anyway.....there's not a WHOLE lot that we have been up to, but I have some good pics.

We are trying to get in the Christmas spirit already. Can you believe it's only 45 days away?? That means its getting closer to Ryan's birthday. Ryan will be 2 years old on December 13. CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!! Instead of giving the kids at the birthday party little goodie bags to take home, we give them Christmas ornaments with their names and the year. We did this last year and everyone loved it. It saved them from having to get ornaments for their kids. GREAT IDEA!! This year, I might have to make them...thanks to Stef for sharing the idea of home made ornaments. That sounds like tons of fun.

any idea who is hiding behind those curtains??? RYAN of course!!!

I am getting pretty excited about Thanksgiving, Ryan's birthday and Christmas. I just love this time of year. Although its been strange weather for us lately. I don't know how many of you, IF ANY, have ever been to Kentucky, but the weather is VERY unpredictable. Today it's been a bit chilly at about 60 degrees but 2 days ago it was sunny and 70!! It is usually NOT this warm in November. I'm not sure that we will have a white Christmas. This is just not normal. But I'm not complaining....I don't like the cold.

it seems like every time Ryan eats a peanut butter sandwich, she falls asleep in her high chair. LOL

time for the swing at the park with Me-Me and Pappaw. SO FUN!!

watch me slide all by myself

lots of bubbles in the bath!!! her favorite.

Other than going to the park and planning for Ryan's birthday, we don't have much more to update on. Ryan has been on her antibiotic for almost the full 1o days now for a sinus infection, but other than that, we have all managed to avoid getting really sick for now. *knocks on wood* I'm hoping we can all stay that way.

Other than today being Veterans day...SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!!! Today, is also DADDY's BIRTHDAY!! not my dad, Ryan's dad. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAY!!!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!! Ryan woke him up this morning but throwing his card in his face and then screaming out the birthday song. What a nice way to wake up in the morning huh?? It was precious!!

I guess I will try to update again asap but I'm not sure when that will be. For those of you whose pages I have not looked at lately, I apologize. Once everything is up and running again, I will have to play catch up.....Thanks for baring with us!!

What happened to his arms????

Yesterday, Ryan and I were playing with Mr. Potato head and having a great time doing it. I opened up his back and got out his eyes, ears, mustache, etc. There were a few pieces in her toy bins in her room too so we got them out. As we were putting together Mr. Potato head, I started looking around at the pieces we had. "Ryan, where did his arms go?" The look she gave me was priceless. I wish I had my camera on at that time. She gave me a look that said "I'M GUILTY!!!" Then she said in a very shy and faint voice "where it go?" I knew something was going on at this point so I enlisted her for help on finding them. It's not that I would be upset if we didn't know where they were, I was just interested in knowing if she even remembered what she had done with them. For the past few weeks, she's been really into hiding things, and hiding herself for that matter. If she's being really quite, I will look around the house for her and she will be sitting in a closet somewhere or in her play tent and tunnel downstairs. When she realizes that I see her she will shout out "YOU FIND ME!!!" She loves this game a little too much because sometimes when I think she's in the typical spot, she'll surprise and scare me by not being there.

So off we went, to look for Mr. Potato heads limbs. I checked under all of the beds. (again, typical spot for her to hide toys.) NOT THERE. I checked in the bathroom cabinets. (another clever place for toys to end up.) NOT THERE. While I was doing this, Ryan was just following me closely as if silently laughing at me not being able to find a set of white plastic arms. I gave her a pretty serious look and said again, "Ryan, what happened to his arms?" This time she let out a nice giggle and said "arms?" With that, I gave up my search. I had other things that needed to be done. I was unloading and reloading the dishwasher and had to get laundry done also. I grabbed the hamper out of Ryan's room and made my way down to the laundry room. I sorted all of the laundry and put a load in the washer. When I looked down to grab the hamper and return it upstairs to Ryan's bedroom, you'll never guess what I saw sitting at the bottom.

look closely and you can see them....little white arms!!!

AHA....there they are!!! The funniest thing about the arms being in the hamper is that it was full. So, how did they get all the way to the bottom? Well, the holes in the side of it of course!! She must have been very focused on this task. I'm assuming since she's not far away for long periods of time, that this was done while she was supposed to be napping, or when she first got up in the morning. She must have sat on the floor concentrating greatly on getting those little limbs through the holes and into the bottom of the hamper.

I took the hamper and the arms back upstairs and asked Ryan what was in the hamper. She looked at me with BIG eyes and just gave me a HUGE smile. She didn't even have to look...she said "arms?" DING DING DING....you are a WINNER!!! Good job Ryan....your really smart. How did you know what was in there without even looking??? HAHA.

Later in the day yesterday, Ryan came to me and said "where baby go?" This time I knew she was just wanting me to find it because she thought it was funny. I didn't really have to do a great search. I walked into the living room and looked around and it sort of popped out at me.

Where's the baby? sitting under the end table next to the couch. SILLY GIRL!!

Does anyone else have any funny stories of their kids hiding either their toys or themselves? I want to hear about it!! Let me know if you have any good ones. I hope everyone is having a great week!!!

A Happy Halloween it was...

I hope everyone had a VERY HAPPY HALLOWEEN. Our was great!! We had some family over to join in on the fun. My mom and her husband came, my cousin and her fiance, and then my Aunt. Ryan really didn't know what was going on, but she was excited about dressing up and kept talking about us having a party. Whenever she sees a lot of people, she thinks it's a birthday party and starts singing. FUNNY STUFF. So, we all ate dinner, and then starting getting the kids ready for trick-or-treating. Since it was pretty cold out on Saturday, staying at about 50 degrees all day and then colder when it got dark, I had to quickly think of a way to make Ryan stay warm but make it to where people could still understand her costume. I grabbed an old zip up hoodie that was a little bit too small for her, and my cousin, Katie, worked her magic. She cut it up in some places and put safety pins on it like the "punks" do. It turned out REALLY well.

here is Ryan before her hair was done. She kept wanting to put her hands in her pockets but forgot that there was a hole cut in it. haha

I knew that I wouldn't be able to give her a mohawk with doing little pony tails because her hair is so fine, and although it doesn't look like it, it's actually pretty long on top when you try to spike it up. So, I did 4 little pony tails and once I sprayed the pink in, I didn't even need hair spray. That hair coloring spray is like glue in a can. Here is the result.

again with the one hand in the HOLE pocket. As you can see, I also painted her fingernails black for just an extra touch. NICE.

this was when she was done collecting candy and decided to just hang out in the driveway with everyone to get warm by the fire in our fire-pit. Like the slippers?

Jay and I walked around with Ryan for about 45 minutes and then she sort of lost interest. We went back to our house, and she helped pass out candy and eat some of hers of course. She had a REALLY good time and we had so many compliments on her costume. A lot of people said she was the CUTEST punk EVER. I'm sure next year she will be able to tell us what she wants to be so I don't have to come up with something myself.

here is Josh (Michael Jackson) Ryan (punk) and Quintin (mob gangster) for those who do not know, Quintin is my cousin Katie's son. you can't see Josh's glove in this pic but he had a sequin glove that he wore.

Last night, we went to Jay's brother's house because his son Logan just turned 3. His birthday was yesterday so they had a party for him last night. We ate dinner there and watched Logan open his presents. Ryan got really excited once again because it was a PARTY!!! She just cracks me up because she waits until everyone is DONE singing, and then she yells out "hap bir-day to woo!!" I think she does it because she wants the spot light to be on her when she sings. lol.

I hope everyone enjoys their week. Make sure to stop by Logan Jacks' page tomorrow and leave a message to wish him a HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY!!! www.whenlifehandsyouabrokenheart.blogspot.com Logan is a very special little boy and we just LOVE reading his blog to hear about all the funny things he's up to. Until next time....